sábado, 11 de octubre de 2008

Guía para detectar terroristas

Se destaparon una serie de irregularidades que se estaban dando con la expedición de visas para venir a Uruguay a través del consulado uruguayo de Nueva Delhi. El consulado expedía visas de negocios para empresas ficticias, y los inmigrantes se quedaban en Uruguay mientras los mismos que les facilitaban la entrada buscaban la forma de hacerlos ingresar a Europa o Estados Unidos mediante un pago.

Pero acá viene lo fantástico. El titular de Montevideo.com dice:

“El consulado uruguayo en Nueva Delhi está siendo investigado por la Cancillería por la presunta entrega de visas irregulares a varios ciudadanos asiáticos para entrar en nuestro país. Algunos de ellos llegaron a ser considerados “terroristas” por llevar imágenes de Al Qaeda.”

A la fresca. Yo leo eso y me pienso que hay una terrible conexión Al Qaeda – Uruguay. Evidentemente si dice que son considerados terroristas debe ser por al menos INTERPOL y las imágenes que deben tener son fotos de campos de entrenamiento o planos de edificios con dibujos de aviones estrellándose en ellos.

Pero no. Mas adelante explica estos dos puntos:

“El propietario de un hotel que alojó a varios de ellos pensó que se trataba de un grupo terrorista, ya que uno de los asiáticos “colgó en la pared del cuarto la foto del número dos de Bin Laden, usaban pollera (…) rezaban cinco veces al día y afirmaban que en 2011 EEUU desaparecería””

O sea que el que los considera terroristas es el propietario de un hotel que sin duda debió de haber leído una “Guía para Identificar Terroristas” similar a las Guías No Tiren Bombas para identificar médicos truchos y posesiones demoníacas.

La guía debe reconocer como indicadores de terrorismo puntos como estos:

1. Colgar fotos de terroristas en la pared
2. Usar pollera
3. Ser muy religioso
4. Afirmar que EEUU desaparecerá en el futuro próximo
5. Pretensiones de experto (es la única forma en la cual se justifica dar la fecha 2011 con total precisión y no decir “dentro de unos años”)

Aplicando esta guía, podemos ver que las siguientes personas sin duda son terroristas:

• Sean Connery (característica 2)
• El Papa (característica 3)
• Cualquier mujer que en su adolescencia haya tenido un poster de Enrique Iglesias (característica 1)
• Los analistas que hablan de la crisis económica actual (características 4 y 5)

Si ustedes siguen el link van a ver que Montevideo.com cambió el tan fantástico titular al ampliar la noticia, pero el caché de google no miente y me dejo sacar la captura que encabeza el post.

125 bomba(s) no tirada(s):

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Habla en lenguas raras, pega gritos desgarradores, nunca mas lo llamaron para hacer nada, y no se si la madre no lo ata a la cama, jejejeje

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